I couldn’t think of an entire article today so here are a bunch of random thoughts rattling around in my noggin.
Why do we park in a driveway but drive on a parkway?
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it’s all about?
The ease of getting a cat into a cat carrier is inversely proportional to desire of the cat to go in the box ( I have recent empirical data on this )
When the going gets tough, the tough call the United States to bail them out.
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Why do pro choice people support abortion , but abhor the death penalty? Isn’t that just another way of performing a late term abortion?
Our founding fathers were pretty damn smart old white guys.
They don’t call it catching, they call it fishing.
The person that can smile while the shit is hitting the fan has already figured out someone else to blame.
There is a difference between There, Their, and They’re. If you don’t know the difference, LEARN IT. Maybe I’ll write something about this in the future. It’s one of my top pet peeves.
What business is it of the government to tell kids they can’t bring their own lunch to school? ( this really happened, in Chicago this week ) It is not the government’s job to protect us from ourselves. I think it was either Franklin or maybe Jefferson that said…A government big enough to give you everything you want, is also big enough to take it all away..
The Federalist Papers should be REQUIRED reading from Middle School onward. I’m tired of people saying the Constitution is too hard to understand. Waaaahh, those old white guys made it too confusing. Bullshit, read the Federalist Papers, they go into brutal detail explaining the meanings behind the various amendments and Bill of Rights. Want to know what they meant by the First Amendment? Read up on what Madison and others had to say about what THEY meant by it. The wording of the Second Amendment too confusing for you? The meaning behind the amendment is all there in the Federalist Papers. They are the dictionary/thesaurus/and encyclopedia of our United States Constitution. Our elected officials would do well to read the Federalist Papers, and pass legislation requiring it be taught in our schools. How can people make informed rational choices in politics if they don’t know where we came from? The dumbing down of America is almost complete, people in my generation are most likely the last generation to have been exposed to the exceptionalism of our country and learned about how unique in the history of mankind our little slice of heaven truly is.
The worst day fishing is still better than the best day working
No matter where you go, there you are.
I prefer my airplanes in the hard top model. I’m not all that fond of the convertible versions they have out now.
If we are such a horrible horrible country, the worst since the Roman Empire, then why do millions upon millions of people literally risk life and limb to sneak in here…EVERY year??
Why is it that in order to get a loan, you first must prove you don’t need it?
Gravity, it’s not just a good idea. It’s the Law!
The phone is going to ring, two seconds after you get in the shower and are soaked.
Murphy’s an asshole
Recent conversation with the Unemployment Office: ME: I’m sorry, I can’t pay you back the money you claim I owe you since I don’t have a job. Unemployment Office rep: Well if you don’t pay us, we’ll just garnish your wages. Uhhhhmmmmm, wait wut?
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you happen to be on at the time.
You haven’t farted all day, rest assured as soon as you are in very close proximity to a lot of people you’ll suddenly need to, in a major way.
Ok, I’m out of ideas for now